In your marriage, do you often disagree over small things and find it hard to move on? Do you sometimes feel emotionally distant from your partner? Are daily stress and responsibilities getting in the way of your connection? Do unresolved arguments keep coming back and causing tension? Or do you feel like your efforts aren’t always appreciated or understood?
I get it.
Truth is, we’ve all been there.
And while it’s possible to have a successful marriage, it doesn’t happen by accident. Why?
Because happy and successful marriage can be challenging at times and requires work.
Many couples like you struggle to maintain their relationship, in which even small disagreements can quickly escalate into major issues. Now…
While every relationship is unique, thriving marriages tend to share certain fundamental qualities that help couples face life’s challenges together and build lasting happiness—qualities we’ll explore in this article.
Without further ado, let’s get into it.
Here are the 10 qualities of a good marriage.
1. Spending Quality Time Together
In today’s fast-paced world, quality time has become one of the most precious gifts partners can give each other. Because let’s face it…
Both you and your partner lead busy lives outside the marriage, meaning it’s crucial to make time for each other. In fact, it’s not just important—it’s necessary if you truly want a happy marriage. You need quality time together to build a deeper bond. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy.
It could be regularly scheduled date nights, a weekend getaway, or simply having a good time at home. Successful marriages value genuine emotional connection more than just being physically present. As such…
Setting aside uninterrupted time for your spouse helps build a stronger bond and reaffirms your commitment to each other. With that being said…
Here are three (3) more ways you can further achieve that:
Express Genuine Love
Love isn’t just a feeling—it’s an action that requires intentional expression.
Happy couples make it a priority to show their love through both words and deeds. This implies that…
Along with telling your spouse ‘I love you,’ you should back up those words with thoughtful gestures, acts of service, and physical affection.
Whether it’s leaving them a sweet note, bringing their favorite coffee, or simply offering a warm hug after a difficult day, you want to be intentional about these acts, and ensure it’s coming from deep within your heart. However…
That’s not enough… You also want to…
Learn how your spouse prefers to be loved. If you’re unsure, pay attention to how they show love to you—it often reflects what matters most to them. Or better yet, ask them directly how they’d like to be loved.
Always remember that genuine love isn’t a short-lived feeling—it requires a real and lasting decision to stay devoted to your spouse for life, through both your words and actions. But wait…
Here’s a hard truth about love…
You may want to stay in your marriage when things are going well—but do you feel like leaving when things get hard? Genuine love helps you stay committed, even through the difficult times.
Next, along with expressing genuine love, you also want to…
Make Your Partner Your Friend
The strongest marriages are built on friendship just as much as they are on romance.
When partners truly enjoy each other’s company and see each other as best friends, they build a strong foundation for lasting love. Let me ask you some quick questions:
Why did you decide to marry your spouse in the first place? Wasn’t it because you considered them your best friend? Why would that now change that you both are now married?
Think back to when you had shared interests, laughed together, and kept supporting each other’s dreams. Those were all things you did together as friends prior to getting married, and should be carried over into your marriage as well. In addition…
You also want to be curious about your partner’s thoughts, celebrate their successes, and choose to spend your free time together because you truly want to. But…
How can you make it worthwhile?
Keep Things Fun and Exciting
Routine can feel safe, but too much of it can take the excitement out of a relationship. In contrast, couples in strong marriages make an effort to keep things fresh and exciting.
This isn’t about having expensive vacations or grand gestures—it can be as simple as trying a new restaurant, taking up a hobby together, or planning surprise date nights. Here’s a quick question:
Is there something you both do out of habit? Why not switch it up and try something new—something neither of you has ever done before? The main goal here…
Is to maintain a sense of adventure and playfulness in your relationship—to see your marriage with fresh eyes and renewed energy, rather than letting it become routine or taken for granted.
If either of you—or both—are finding it hard to truly connect, here are some common intimacy issues that might be holding your marriage back.
2. Effective Communication
Communication is essential to a healthy marriage. But it’s not just about having conversations—it’s about having effective ones, because misunderstandings and unmet expectations can weaken even the strongest bond. That said…
Below are couple of ways to do just that:
Listen Attentively to Each Other
Think about how it feels when you’re talking to your spouse and they’re glued to their phone. Chances are, they feel the same way when the roles are reversed. What this means is that…
Effective communication is all about being fully present, maintaining eye contact, and making an effort to truly understand your partner’s point of view or concerns.
It’s important to put away every forms of distractions like phones or television when your partner is sharing something of importance to them.
Additionally, you can take this even further by repeating what you’ve heard and then asking clarifying questions to ensure you understand them correctly. For example:
Let’s say your partner comes to you with a concern: “I just feel like you don’t really notice how much I’m juggling between work and the kids lately.”
Your response should be, “Okay, so you’re feeling overwhelmed and like I haven’t really acknowledged what you’re managing. Is that right?”
And if their answer is yes. Your followup response should be “Can you tell me more about what support you’d want from me?” Here’s a second example:
Your partner comes to you, “We barely spend time together anymore, and I miss how things used to be.”
Your response should be, “You’re saying you feel disconnected because we haven’t been spending much time together. Am I hearing that right?
And again, if their response is yes. Your reply could be “Would doing something just the two of us during the week help, or are you thinking more about the weekends?”
Do you see just how truly listening to each other can help clear roadblocks in your marriage and even strengthen it? It allows you to pay closer attention to the details when your partner is speaking and better understand their needs and wants.
And when your partner feels truly heard, they feel not just respected in the relationship but valued as well. However, that’s not all.
In addition to listening attentively, you also want to apply the next suggestion.
Talk Openly and Honesty
Secrets destroys marriages—especially the ones that gets to do with your relationship.
In contrast, open and honest communication builds trust and can prevent small issues from turning into major problems. So, how do you actually practice it?
Get comfortable sharing your deepest thoughts, feelings, and concerns with your spouse—even if the conversation feels a bit uncomfortable. This could mean expressing gratitude, bringing up frustrations before they pile up, or opening up about your fears and dreams. Additionally…
You need to let go of being judgmental. Yes, you heard that right.
Being judgmental when your partner opens up to you can make them less likely to do it again in the future. You’ll blocking the chance for open free-flowing conversations in your marriage. You get what I mean, right? Next…
Never Assume
Assumptions kills relationships.
Instead of assuming you know what your spouse is thinking or feeling, ask questions.
Avoid jumping to conclusions about their intentions, and don’t expect them to read your mind—they won’t always know what you need unless you tell them. Still…
If you catch yourself making assumptions, take a moment to pause and choose to talk openly instead. This simple practice can help prevent unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings in your marriage. Nevertheless…
Avoiding assumptions is just the third step, you also need to…
Practice Mindfulness
Being mindful simply means being present in your conversations and aware of both your words and your partner’s responses.
Before reacting emotionally, take a moment to consider your response. Be mindful of your tone of voice, body language, and the energy you’re bringing to the conversation. When you’re mindful…
You create a space for understanding, which in turn prevents conversations from escalating into arguments. What you need to do next is…
3. Build Trust and Transparency
Trust forms the bedrock of any good marriage. Without it, marriage becomes clouded by doubt, jealousy, insecurity, and uncertainty. It’s the confidence that lets you count on your spouse and their words. Is it easy to build? No. Why?
Building trust requires not just time, but consistency, honesty and reliability in both big and small matters. This involves…
Keeping your promises, being where you say you’ll be, and following through on commitments. And…
Don’t also forget that…
“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.” – Dhar Mann
Transparency, on the other hand, involves openly sharing your thoughts, activities, and concerns—even when it feels vulnerable. In marriage, there’s no room for secrets. I know we’ve talked about this before. Still…
I felt I should iterate it just to emphasize the importance of this quality.
Financial transparency is particularly crucial—discuss major purchases, share financial goals, and be truthful about your spending habits. Besides that, you know what else is important?
Being emotionally transparent. Don’t shy from sharing your feelings, fears, and dreams with your spouse. Keep in mind that…
…for your partner to trust you, you need to be transparent enough for them to do so.
4. Emotional Support and Commitment
A thriving marriage creates a safe space where both partners feel emotionally supported through life’s highs and lows—by being each other’s cheerleader in times of success and a source of comfort in moments of failure.
You want to validate their feelings, offer encouragement during difficult times, and celebrate their achievements wholeheartedly. And…
In terms of commitment, this goes beyond staying married—it’s more about being fully invested in your partner’s well-being and the relationship success.
This kind of commitment is reflected in everyday choices—putting your marriage first, working through challenges rather than walking away, and choosing love even when feelings fluctuate. It also means staying faithful and avoiding infidelity in all its forms.
Infidelity can strip a relationship of its meaning, leaving past moments of love feeling empty. Sadly, it’s still one of the most common issues in marriages—something to avoid at all costs if you truly want your relationship to thrive. But that’s not all.
Let’s take a closer look at something that’s often overlooked, yet incredibly important.
5. Showing Appreciation and Gratitude
Gratitude can actually transform your marriage. How, you might ask.
The truth is that when couples regularly show appreciation for each other, it creates a positive cycle that brings them closer. And…
To show gratitude in your marriage, start by noticing and acknowledging what your spouse does—big or small—and make a point to thank them. It could be for making dinner, recognizing their hard work, or simply being grateful for their presence in your life.
Appreciation, on the other hand, goes beyond simply saying ‘thank you’—it involves recognizing your spouse’s unique qualities and contributions to the relationship. To do this…
Tell them specifically what you love about them, how they make your life better, and why you’re grateful to be married to them. Because here’s the thing…
When your partner feels appreciated, they’re more likely to keep expressing love and care in the relationship. To help…
Here’s a task: Make gratitude and appreciation a daily practice, and watch how it transforms the atmosphere of your marriage.
6. Have Shared Goals and Interests
While maintaining individual identities is important, successful couples also cultivate shared goals and interests that unite them. Talking about goals…
This could include things like saving for a home, planning for a family, pursuing career goals, or dreaming up future travels together. The aim here…
Is to ensure that some if not all of your personal goals are aligned with each other’s—as doing this (having common objectives) gives couples something to work toward together and creates a sense of partnership. But what about shared interests?
They don’t have to be identical—they just need to create opportunities for connection.
Simple things like cooking together, hiking, watching movies, playing games all count—just look for activities you both enjoy and make time to do them regularly or occasionally. If you do them occasionally, it might help to create a schedule, if possible. The result?
These shared experiences can help create positive memories as well as strengthen your bond. Next…
7. Prioritize intimacy
Here, we’ll consider both non-physical and physical forms of intimacy and show you just how much they can contribute to improving your marriage.
First, let’s talk about the non-physical form of intimacy.
Romance and Emotional Intimacy
Romance keeps the spark alive in marriage. Keeping it alive often means leaving love notes, planning surprise dates, giving compliments, and creating special moments together—small but thoughtful acts that can have the greatest impact.
Romance is all about making your partner feel cherished and desired. It’s about continuing to court each other even after getting married.
Emotional intimacy matters just as much. It means giving your partner a safe space to share their feelings—without fear of judgment or being mocked. And with that out of the way…
Let’s now talk about the physical form of intimacy.
Don’t Neglect Sex
Physical intimacy plays a vital role in marital satisfaction.
While the frequency and nature of sexual connection may evolve over time, it remains an important way for couples to express love and maintain their unique bond. It’s important to…
Talk openly with your spouse about what you need from them in this part of your relationship.
You really don’t want to undervalue the importance of sex in your marriage. If you make your partner feel like they’ll be rejected whenever they ask for it, that can easily cause them to drift away from you—and from the marriage. But…
Don’t forget—physical intimacy goes beyond sex. It includes things like kissing, cuddling, and small touches throughout the day whenever possible. Again, to iterate…
Neglecting physical intimacy can leave your partner feeling rejected and distant—so it’s important to prioritize it, even during busy seasons of life.
Marriage, though, isn’t a total funfair. There are times conflicts might arise, how do you go about them? The next step shows you just how.
8. Constructive Conflict Resolutions
Every marriage experiences conflict, but it’s how couples handle disagreements that determines the success of their marriage.
This section will teach you how to resolve conflicts in a healthy way—so things don’t turn destructive.
Let’s begin with the first one.
Be Understanding
Approach conflicts with empathy and a desire to understand your partner’s perspective rather than trying to win an argument.
Keep an open mind and try to see things from your partner’s point of view. Ask questions and reflect back what they’ve said to validate their emotions and to make sure you understood them correctly. Next, you want to…
Tackle the Problem and not Yourselves
The goal should be to work together to solve the problem, not to point fingers at each other.
You want to focus on the specific issue at hand rather than attacking your partner’s character. To do this, it’s important to use ‘I’ statements to express how you feel, instead of “you” statements, which can sound accusatory. For example:
Saying “I feel hurt when plans change at the last minute” is so much better than saying “You always cancel our plans.” This approach keeps the conversation productive and prevents defensiveness.
Even at that, no one is perfect—meaning you also want to…
Take Responsibility for Your Actions
Having a good marriage also requires accountability and responsibility.
You should own up to your mistakes and apologize sincerely when you’ve done something wrong or when you’re the one at fault.
Taking responsibility doesn’t mean accepting blame for everything; however, it does mean acknowledging your role in problems and committing to change.
A genuine apology involves admitting what you did wrong, expressing remorse, and explaining how you’ll do better going forward. Because here’s the thing…
When you take responsibility for your actions, it shows your spouse that you value the marriage and are committed to making things right. So…
What should you do when your partner admits their mistakes?
Practice Forgiveness
You should accept that your spouse will, at some point—if they haven’t already—do something that frustrates, upsets, or even hurts you. It’s important to understand that sometimes, it may not be intentional. And even if it is, the fact that they’ve owned up to their mistakes and promised to work on them makes forgiveness crucial.
Keeping score and holding onto grudges only creates bitterness and makes it harder for your marriage to grow.
This doesn’t mean you should ignore serious problems or accept harmful behavior. It simply means letting go of resentment so you can focus on healing and moving forward. That being said…
I understand that forgiving isn’t always easy—because forgiveness is often a process, not a one-time decision, especially when the hurt runs deep. Still…
It’s important to remember that forgiveness helps you just as much as it helps your partner—and holding onto anger and resentment only damages the relationship and your own peace of mind.
Now that we’ve talked about accountability and forgiveness, let’s shift to something that’s often tough to do—but incredibly important.
Practice Compromise
Compromise requires both partners to be willing to meet in the middle. This implies…
Giving up what you want sometimes for the sake of your relationship and finding solutions that work for both of you.
According to a research published in the Journal of Happiness Studies, shows that couples who compromise enjoy a better and healthier relationship as I quote from the article “Based on self-expansion theory, we hypothesized that the more individuals have a relational focus (i.e., a greater use of “we”) while narrating their compromising experiences, the better psychological health they will experience.”
What this simply means is that compromise isn’t about one person always giving in—rather, it’s about finding creative solutions where both partners feel heard and valued.
9. Showing Respect and Humility
Respecting your partner is simple: treat them the way you want to be treated—that’s the golden rule.
What this means is that you treat your partner with courtesy, honor their opinions, and speak to them with kindness. This also shows up in how you talk about them to others, how you handle disagreements, and how you respond to their needs and preferences. But above all…
One of the greatest signs of respect is staying faithful. If you truly respect your spouse, cheating—in any way or form—won’t even be an option.
Humility, on the other hand, means putting your spouse’s needs above your own and making daily effort to love them even more. It also involves recognizing that you don’t have all the answers—being willing to learn and grow, admitting when you’re wrong—as we’ve previously discussed, being open to feedback, and approaching your marriage with a teachable spirit.
Humble couples are open to growth and willing to change, rather than insisting they’re always right. When this humility is paired with mutual respect, it creates space where both partners feel safe to be real with each other. Since we’d mentioned growth, let’s look more into it.
10. Focus on Growth
A good marriage is characterized by continuous growth and improvement, where both partners commit to becoming better versions of themselves and supporting each other’s development.
Below are ways to achieve just that:
Learn to Work on Yourself
Personal growth can make a huge difference in your marriage. Why? Because it shifts your focus to your role in the relationship, rather than trying to change or fix your spouse. And this goes for both partners.
These are some areas you may want to work on: your emotional responses, communication skills, and character development, among many others. The point is to…
Focus on your own growth instead of expecting your partner to fix you or adjust to your flaws. When you take responsibility for your growth, you bring a healthier, more mature version of yourself to the relationship. Next…
You want to…
Reject Complacency
Avoid taking your marriage for granted or assuming it will maintain itself without effort from both sides. Complacency slowly kills relationships. But…
How do you beat complacency? Stay engaged in your marriage by continuing to learn more about your spouse, trying new things together, and actively working to improve the overall health of the relationship. Keep in mind that…
If you want a good marriage, you need to make an ongoing investment and give it consistent attention. To add…
You also want to…
Look for the Best in One Another
The goal here is to ensure you grow together instead of growing apart. How can you achieve this?
Simple! Learn to focus on your partner’s positive qualities rather than dwelling solely on their flaws. The reason?
The more you focus on the good in your spouse, the more you’ll see it—and your encouragement will naturally bring out more of what you love. Of course…
This doesn’t mean ignoring real issues—it simply means choosing to see your partner and the relationship through a generally positive lens. Next…
Build a Spiritual Connection
Many couples feel more closer when they share a spiritual bond. This could be through shared religious beliefs, meditation practices, or deep conversations about life. A spiritual connection adds depth and purpose to marriage, helping you stay strong during tough times and giving your relationship a deeper sense of purpose beyond everyday life. And finally…
Always Be Optimistic
Difficult times are unavoidable, but couples who stay committed through them often come out stronger and more connected. As such…
It’s important to keep faith in your marriage and trust that you can face and overcome challenges together. Why? Because…
Optimistic couples tend to be more resilient in tough times and more willing to work through challenges instead of giving up. Again…
This doesn’t mean you should ignore real issues. It just means approaching your marriage with confidence in your love and commitment.
Conclusion
Building a good marriage requires intentional effort; however, the rewards are immeasurable.
These ten (10) qualities—spending quality time together, having effective communication, building trust and transparency, emotional support and commitment, showing appreciation and gratitude, having shared goals and interests, prioritizing intimacy, resolving conflict constructively, showing respect and humility toward one another, and focusing on the growth of your marriage—when cultivated through daily choices, consistent actions, and unwavering commitment to your partner and the relationship can truly make your marriage become stronger and healthier.
Keep in mind that no marriage is perfect—and you don’t have to excel in every area right away. Start with one or two qualities that resonate with you and your current situation, and build from there. As you grow in those areas, it will become easier to build on others as well.
The goal is to keep making progress—building a marriage that grows stronger and more fulfilling in the long run.
