Many people think love is just romance — something that only has to do with butterflies, attraction, and strong feelings. And yes, those feelings matter. But love is much bigger than that.

Psychologists and philosophers have long recognized that love shows up in our lives in many different forms, each with its own unique characteristics, purpose, and way of strengthening our relationships.

As such, understanding the eight types of love and their meanings can help you see your relationship more clearly and transform how you connect with your partner. It helps you not only see what’s strong but also recognize what might be missing. This knowledge allows you communicate better, meet each other’s emotional needs more effectively, and build deeper intimacy that goes beyond attraction.

The purpose of this article is to explain these eight types of love and, more importantly, how you can express each one in your relationship.

But first, let’s get to the basics —

What Are These 8 Types of Love And Where Do They Come From?

The idea of the eight types of love comes from ancient Greek philosophy, where the Greeks believed love had different forms, each with its own meaning and expression. In other words, they recognized that the word “love” was far too simple to capture the richness of human connection. As a result, they came up with specific terms for different kinds of love, acknowledging that the love you feel for a romantic partner differs from the love you have for a close friend, which also differs from the one within a family or the love you have for yourself.

However, the goal of this article is to focus on how all of these types of love can show up within a romantic relationship.

Here’s an overview of the eight types of love we’ll consider:

1. Eros – Romantic and passionate love
2. Philia – Deep friendship love
3. Storge – Familiar and affectionate love
4. Agape – Selfless and unconditional love
5. Ludus – Playful and flirtatious love
6. Pragma – Committed and practical love
7. Philautia – Self-love
8. Mania – Intense and obsessive love

Each of these types of love plays a different role in relationships. A healthy relationship usually includes several of them, not just one. Let’s now consider what each one means and how you can express it in your everyday life together as a couple.

1. Eros — Romantic and Passionate Love

Eros is romantic love characterized by attraction, chemistry, and desire. This is usually the type of love most people think of first when they hear the word “love.” Why? Because it’s the chemistry you feel, the magnetic pull toward someone, and the intense desire for physical and emotional closeness.

Simply put, it’s the spark that initially draws two people together, the exciting feelings you experience when you see your partner, and the physical intimacy that creates a unique bond between you.

In healthy relationships, Eros keeps passion alive. It helps partners feel wanted and desired. But here is where many couples go wrong.

Couples often think attraction, chemistry, and desire are everything. Then, when that passion fades, they assume love is gone. That is not true. Eros naturally changes over time. It requires deliberate effort from both partners to build and sustain it.

Here are healthy ways to express Eros in your marriage:

• Prioritize intimacy through touch, kisses, and sexual connection
• Flirt with your partner
• Compliment them
• Be affectionate
• Have date nights
• Leave love notes occasionally
• Plan thoughtful surprises
• Create romantic moments that remind you both why you fell in love

To reiterate, Romantic and passionate love needs effort. It does not stay strong on its own. It’s up to both partners to be intentional about expressing it consistently and wholeheartedly.

2. Philia — Deep Friendship Love

Philia is friendship love — the kind of affection and connection you share with people you truly respect, trust, and enjoy spending time with. This Greek term describes the platonic love between friends who share common values and interests, grounded in mutual respect. It’s the kind of love that demands loyalty. How can this also be applied in your romantic relationship?

In the context of relationships, Philia is the friendship element that makes your partner not just someone you’re attracted to, but someone you genuinely like. Why is this important?

Friendship is the backbone of long-term relationships. That is, when passion begins to fade or life becomes difficult, seeing each other as friends is what sustains the relationship during seasons when romance feels less intense. In other words, romance is strengthen by support, loyalty, and respect. It may surprise you to learn that couples who stay together happily for decades often describe their partner as their best friend. This is exactly what Philia does.

It provides companionship, trust, loyalty, and the deep understanding that comes from truly knowing someone and being known by them.

Ways to nurture deep friendship:

• Spend quality time together doing activities you both enjoy
• Talk about more than responsibilities
• Share goals and dreams
• Support each other’s individual interests and cultivate shared ones
• Show genuine interest in your partner’s life
• Listen without trying to win
• Be someone they can count on
• Show appreciation

3. Storge — Familiar and Affectionate Love

Storge is the love that grows from familiarity. It develops slowly and is formed through shared experiences and time spent together.

Originally used to describe the love between parents and children or among family members, Storge in romantic relationships can be said to be the warm, secure feeling of being with someone who feels like home. It’s less about excitement and more about security — less about passion and more about steady warmth. It’s the love that makes you feel safe, accepted, and deeply comfortable with your partner.

You can express this type of love in your relationship by:

• Offering physical warmth, like hugs
• Showing patience
• Creating routines together
• Being consistent in how you display affection
• Protecting each other’s emotional safety

The goal should be to understand each other deeply by creating a comfortable, secure home environment where you can both feel at peace.

4. Agape — Selfless and Unconditional Love

Agape is often described as the highest form of love in Greek philosophy, and for good reason. That’s because it seeks the well-being of the other person without expecting anything in return. It’s compassionate, empathetic, and focused on the other person’s happiness and growth. However, there’s something important to note. What is it?

Agape does not mean losing yourself. That is, even as you show a self-sacrificing spirit in your relationship, you must also consider your own well-being. While you care deeply about your partner’s growth — supporting them even when it’s inconvenient and choosing their good alongside your own — you should not neglect your needs, lose your sense of self, or enable harmful behavior in the name of love.

Here’s what healthy Agape means:

• Supporting your partner
• Showing kindness
• Forgiving mistakes
• Acting with compassion

On the other hand, unhealthy self-sacrifice might look like:

• Ignoring your own needs
• Accepting being disrespected in the relationship (e.g., cheating)
• Staying silent about what’s deeply hurting you

To practice Agape without losing yourself:

• Set healthy boundaries while still being generous with your love and support
• Communicate your needs clearly
• Choose kindness and forgiveness over resentment
• Put efforts into understanding your partner’s needs
• Love without enabling harmful behavior
• Be there for your partner during difficult times

In short, selfless and unconditional love strengthens commitment when it is balanced with self-respect.

5. Ludus — Playful and Flirtatious Love

Ludus is the laughter, the inside jokes, the spontaneous adventures, and the ability to not take everything so seriously — keeping in mind the fun, teasing, and lightheartedness in a relationship.

This Greek term is more fitting for the early stages of romance, when everything feels exciting and playful. Nevertheless, it’s also an essential part of a long-term relationship. Why, you may ask?

Playfulness matters even in a serious relationship because it keeps the connection feeling fresh and enjoyable.

Think of it this way: life already carries plenty of stress, responsibilities, and challenges. Don’t you think having moments of pure fun and silliness with your partner is absolutely necessary? Of course it is. For one thing, it can go a long way in creating positive emotions that strengthen your bond.

How does it benefit your relationship if it’s only about tasks, obligations, and problems to solve? It doesn’t. You’re both in the relationship not just to fulfill responsibilities, but to enjoy each other. So lean into that. Not sure how?

Try these simple ways to express playfulness in your relationship:

• Send a random sweet message
• Plan surprise activities
• Watch a comedy show and laugh out loud together
• Gently tease each other
• Dance in the kitchen (go ahead — show those hidden moves)
• Avoid making every conversation about serious topics
• Try new things together like conversation starter cards

Again, it’s possible for couples to lose touch with fun as life’s responsibilities and challenges take over. But don’t forget — fun keeps love alive. If you can’t plan it, be spontaneous. For example, when you’re both in the yard, a water fight could suddenly erupt. It’s unexpected and can bring back that playful spark.

6. Pragma — Committed and Practical Love

Pragma is mature love. The ancient Greeks understood that lasting love requires more than just feelings; that it requires compatibility, shared goals, compromise, and ongoing commitment built on conscious choices and consistent effort.

Let me ask: what if your relationship is hitting rock bottom? Do you leave? Or do you stay? Both are choices. While leaving may feel easier, staying is often the practical decision when you’re committed for the long run. Pragma is the conscious decision to stay, to work through problems, and to keep choosing your partner day in and day out. Such kind of effort acknowledges that building something lasting takes dedication from both people.

It shows up in:

• Being reliable
• Planning for the future
• Working through conflict
• Sharing responsibilities
• Making sacrifice for shared goals

When you make compromises that benefit the relationship — even if they’re not what you personally wanted — you build a healthy relationship that sees effort from both partners as essential. And there’s no better way to express committed and practical love than by:

• Keeping to promises
• Discussing future plans (for example, money or family)
• Making joint decisions, especially when things are difficult or when it’s tough for one person to make
• Showing up consistently for each other
• Adjusting your expectations to be realistic
• Solving problems as a team

7. Philautia — Self-Love

This is the relationship you have with yourself. However, self-love isn’t always what people assume it to be. The ancient Greeks categorized self-love into two forms: healthy and unhealthy. Healthy self-love involves self-care, self-respect, and appropriate boundaries, while the unhealthy form manifests as narcissism or selfishness.

In relationships, healthy self-love is essential because you cannot truly love another person well if you don’t have a healthy relationship with yourself. Simply put, you cannot pour from an empty cup. It shapes the way you love. For example, caring for your own well-being gives you the emotional capacity to show up more fully for your partner.

Even when you’re single, self-love matters. When you respect yourself, you’re more likely to choose a partner who respects you. You enter relationships from a place of wholeness rather than neediness.

Self-love helps you maintain your identity, interests, and friendships even while in a relationship. Yes, your partner can be a source of happiness, but they should not be your entire sense of worth or fulfillment. Think about it: if you expect your partner to be your only source of happiness, how do you think they will feel over time? They may feel pressured and emotionally drained. Eventually, the relationship can become a burden instead of a joyful connection. This is why self-love is so important.

On the other hand, unhealthy self-love can make you overly focused on your own needs that you ignore your partner’s, refuse to compromise, dismiss their perspective, or use the relationship to boost your ego. Everything becomes about you. That’s not healthy love.

In relationships, healthy Philautia (self-love) allows you to:

• Set healthy boundaries when needed
• Take time for activities that nourish you
• Look after your physical and mental health
• Communicate clearly
• Avoid emotional dependence
• Love without fear
• Be honest with yourself about your behavior
• Take responsibility for your mistakes
• Continuously work on personal growth
• And, if you’re single, value yourself enough not to settle for a relationship that diminishes you

When you value yourself, you love others better. It allows both you and your partner to build a relationship between two whole people rather than two halves trying to complete each other.

8. Mania — Intense and Obsessive Love

Mania is obsessive love, categorized by extreme emotional highs and lows, jealousy, possessiveness, and anxiety about the relationship — a love driven by insecurity and fear of losing someone.

This type of love often feels overwhelming and can be emotionally exhausting for both people involved.

Signs of unhealthy Mania include:

• A constant need for reassurance
• Extreme jealousy
• Fear of abandonment (such as worrying your partner will leave you for someone “better”)
• Emotional instability (believing your partner is solely responsible for your emotional state)
• Dramatic reactions to small issues

As a result, you may find yourself constantly checking where they are, who they’re with, or trying to control their behavior out of fear of losing them. When this kind of obsession is present in a relationship, it causes serious damage. Except there’s a shift.

That shift begins with recognizing unhealthy patterns and understanding that this behavior will not strengthen the relationship in the long run.

To gradually shift away from Mania (intense and obsessive love), here are a couple of things you can do:

• Build your self-worth
• Develop emotional independence (learn to self-soothe instead of constantly seeking reassurance)
• Create a life outside of the relationship with your own interests and friendships
• Communicate your fears calmly
• Seek balance rather than control
• Consider professional support from a therapist to understand the root of anxious attachment and to help you develop healthier relationship patterns

How to Identify Which Types of Love Are Strong or Missing

To help you do so, here are some questions to ask yourselves:

• Do we still have playful moments? (Ludus)
• Are we close friends? (Philia)
• Do we feel safe with each other? (Storge)
• Are we committed for the long-term? (Pragma)
• Do we respect ourselves? (Philautia)
• Is our passion alive? (Eros)
• Do we show compassion? (Agape)
• Are we emotionally secure or anxious? (Mania)

Reflecting on these questions can be helpful when you sense an imbalance in the relationship. Why is this important? Because imbalance creates problems.

For example:

Too much Mania (intense and obsessive love) creates drama.

Too little Ludus (playful and flirtatious love) creates boredom.

Too little Pragma (committed and practical love) creates instability.

And too little Philautia (self-love) creates dependency.

The key is to stay aware of these imbalances and intentionally work toward improvement.

Conclusion

Love is not just one emotion. It is layered, complex, and changes over time.

Understanding what the eight types of love are, what they mean, how each one shows up in relationships, and how you can express each of them can help create a deeper, more fulfilling connection between partners.

Love is both a feeling and a practice. Keep in mind that the way love begins may not be the way it evolves. Keeping it strong requires passion, friendship, comfort, commitment, playfulness, compassion, self-respect, and emotional balance. By understanding and nurturing these different types of love, you create a relationship that is passionate yet stable, exciting yet secure, and deeply satisfying for both partners.